


After

by acethebatdog2039



Series: After [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drama, Family Drama, M/M, Psychological Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:02:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acethebatdog2039/pseuds/acethebatdog2039
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the end of the Reaper War Shepard has to pick up the pieces of his life. He learns a few things along the way… mostly about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Kaidan Alenko/John William 'Liam' Shepard Slash
> 
> Warning(s): Spoilers for ME3
> 
> A/N: I hate the endings for ME3. So, I came up with my own. Enjoy.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Six months.

Six long months.

Shepard leaned heavily on his cane.

London was coming back together, it would take years but the city would be rebuilt.

Torn ligaments and tendons in his left knee from the final battle had finally started to heal.

Shepard wasn't worried about his leg in the long run; he was worried about being useless right now.

He limped through the base.

"Liam!"

He turned quickly around, hissing in pain.

But he smiled once he saw who was jogging up to him.

"Kaidan."

The major slowed his pace so Shepard didn't have to rush.

"Where you headed to?" Kaidan asked.

"Lunch with Anderson and Kahlee Sanders."

Kaidan nodded.

"And here I was going to ask you to join me for lunch."

Shepard gave him a small snicker.

"We'll just have to get dinner then."

Liam nodded.

"How's Anderson doing?"

The commander shrugged.

"Alright, I guess. They have him behind a desk, which isn't making Anderson very happy."

"Well you've been temporarily relieved of duty, Shepard."

Shepard nodded

"Yeah well, Doctor's orders and all that."

Shepard made a small grunt as they continued walking.

"I'll be heading to Vancouver in a few days." Kaidan was hesitating, "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me."

Shepard stopped.

"Are you asking me to come home with you, to meet your parents?"

Kaidan turned to look at him and gave him an uneasy chuckle.

"Yeah… Yeah, I guess I am."

Shepard made what Joker called his 'thinking face'.

"Okay, I'm sure we have to fill out some paperwork, but yeah."

Shepard closed the gap and kissed the major on the lips.

"I love you," Kaidan said breathlessly.

Shepard grinned walking away.

"I know" he called over his shoulder.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

It was nightfall on the base.

Kaidan left Liam sleeping in their quarters.

A quick walk to clear his head and then he would head to bed.

"Major Alenko!"

He didn't even notice that he had walked right passed Admiral Anderson.

"Admiral, sir, I didn't see you there."

Anderson chuckled, he patted the spot next to him, and Kaidan sat down.

"Where's Lieutenant Sanders, sir?"

"She's checking on students from Grissom Academy."

Kaidan nodded.

"It's good to see you up and moving around, sir."

Anderson agreed with him.

"Yes, it was touch-and-go for a while but Karin got me through it."

"Doctor Chakwas is the best" Kaidan agreed.

"Where's Shepard?"

"Sleeping. I think he's making up for the lack of it he had during the war."

"Good, he deserves it. I know it upset Liam that Chakwas relieved him of duty, even if it's temporarily. But stress-induced exhaustion isn't something to kid about. But you two did a hell of a job at the end. I'm proud of both you."

"Thank you sir."

Anderson chuckled, "I thought… once that beam hit… I thought it was over. Then there was this dream and Liam was there and… I don't know. It could have been from the blood lost but… it doesn't matter now. Everyone is safe, sound, and alive."

"And that's all that matters, sir."

"You see that river, Major?" Anderson pointed to the body of water in front of them, "That's the River Thames; it's the longest river in England. Every time I see a river I think of Shepard. A river never stops moving, like Liam. When he was a boy he was always on the go. Always moving, never stopping like a river."

"What was he like as a child, sir? I know his father was killed during the First Contact War and before that his parents divorced but…"

"William and Hannah had their issues, but after a nasty divorce, Hannah gave up her parental rights to Liam. William was six years older than me. Hackett, William, and I all served in the First Contact War together in our twenties. William named me Liam's legal guardian if something ever happened. I never thought in all my years that I would raise the galaxy's greatest hero."

Anderson became quiet overlooking the river.

"I was proud of him when he joined the Alliance but I also didn't want him to end up like his father." He said quietly.

Anderson sighed and smiled.

"He was a bright boy, still is. So very smart, I had him reading and writing before his fifth birthday."

Anderson chuckled.

"He loved to draw. He would draw pictures for me before a deployment and I would get mail, real mail from him filled with more pictures. God, I loved getting those pictures."

Kaidan watched the admiral.

"Sir, who did Shepard stay with when you were on deployment?"

"Hackett's wife Annette and his daughter Sara, Annette always said that Liam would get really quiet the first few days and then he would go back to his hyper self."

Anderson rubbed the back his neck, a habit Shepard picked up from the admiral.

"I hated leaving him; it didn't matter for how long. A deployment or even a few hours, I hated not having him in my sight. But, every parent needs to let go, to let their child grow up. He became my son the second William died."

"He's a good man, sir."

"The very best, Kaidan, he's a better man than me."

One of the street lights started to flicker on and off

"He told me about you two at lunch today."

Kaidan froze in place.

"Sir… umm…"

"Don't worry about it, Kaidan. Trust me, after raising that boy, I know everything I need to know. I've always known Liam preferred men over women. It never mattered to me, he's still my son."

Anderson patted the major on the back.

"You two are good together. You make him happy and that's all that matters."

"I asked him to come to Vancouver with me to see my parents."

"What did he say?"

"He said 'yeah.'"

Anderson nodded, "Sounds like Liam."

The admiral looked over at Kaidan.

"You're worried."

It wasn't a question; a person like Anderson didn't make it up the ranks without being able to read people.

"I am… there are so many questions. What if they don't like him, what if they don't approve of us?"

"Kaidan, they will either approve or they won't. Do you need your parents to approve of this relationship to make it work?"

"It would make me happy if they did. I love him, Admiral. I have a feeling they will too."

"Good Kaidan, tell them that. I'm sure they will love him."

Anderson patted him on the back again.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

There was a knock at his door; it slid open with a hiss.

"Hey Pop."

Anderson walked in the room.

Liam was propped up by a set of pillows in the bed.

"Liam"

"Kaidan said you two had a chat."

Anderson took a seat in the desk chair.

"We did."

"Well, should I be worried that you're trying to scare away a boyfriend?"

Anderson gave Liam a look that he had seen a lot as a child, the unamused father look.

"Son, I am not an idiot. If I couldn't notice that you two were together I should get my eyes checked."

"I never said you were, Dad."

Anderson smiled; he loved when Liam called him that.

"He's a good man, Liam."

It was Shepard's turn to smile.

"I know he is. He's been covering my six since we left Earth."

Liam winced and repositioned himself.

Anderson hated watching his boy in pain.

"Still?"

Liam nodded, closing his eyes in agony.

"Lay down, Liam"

Anderson rose from his chair and went to the younger man's side.

He helped the commander lay down, placing a pillow under Shepard's knee.

Anderson sat on the edge of the bed, one of his hands resting on Liam's arm and the other on his forehead.

"When can you have another dose?"

Liam sighed.

"In an hour."

Anderson rubbed his thumb across Shepard's forehead.

He felt Liam relax under his touch.

"You remember when you broke your arm when you were four?" he asked quietly.

"Mmm… that sucked."

Anderson nodded.

"Yeah or when you got this"

Anderson rubbed his thumb over the scar in Liam's hairline.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault."

"Sure, it wasn't."

"Kaidan's taking me to Vancouver."

Anderson smiled, "I know, he told me."

"What if they don't like me?"

"Oh, Liam… they are going to love you. Trust me."

Liam looked up to the ceiling.

"Don't worry about it son. Just sleep."

Liam's eyes drifted over to Anderson's.

It'd been years since David had to sit with Shepard like this: he remembered the night before he left for his deployment on the SVV Hastings.

Liam had cried himself to sleep that night. The eleven year old was so upset at him leaving.

Cynthia had never understood his relationship with Liam's father or why he agreed with to be the boy's legal guardian.

May of their own fights were over the fact that Anderson wanted to adopt the young boy, something Cynthia wanted nothing to do with.

She also refused to take care of the boy when he was on deployment.

It was one of their many reasons on why they divorced.

After the events with Saren, Kahlee, and his rejected Spectre candidacy Anderson made sure he filed the adoption papers.

While Liam kept his legal name of John William Shepard Junior, he was officially the son of David Edward Anderson.

Anderson smiled as he watched Liam's eyes drifted closed.

"Love you, Liam" he said softly.

"Mmm… love you too, Dad."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

After being in space for so long he almost forgot what rain felt like on his skin.

Liam made his way through the compound.

"Commander Shepard!"

He couldn't even go on a walk without someone looking for him.

"Admiral Hackett, sir."

Shepard stopped and waited for the admiral.

"Can I do something for you, sir?"

The admiral clapped the commander on the back.

"Not much, just want to talk to you about Lieutenant Vega."

Shepard cleared his throat.

"Is there a problem with Vega, sir?"

Hackett waved him off.

"Not at all, he's an excellent solider. I understand you took him under your wing to train him as an N7."

Shepard nodded.

"I did. I encouraged him to go for it. But I wanted him to make the decision on his own."

"The Interplanetary Combative Academy was destroyed during the war. Since the Alliance Parliament and Prime Minister were killed during the Battle of Arcturus Station we have no one to oversee promotions or ICT designations."

"What are you saying, sir?"

"You give the word Shepard and Lieutenant Vega becomes the newest N7."

"Why my word," he asked.

Hackett chuckled, "Hell, Shepard, you're one of the best damn soldiers I've ever seen. Your word carries as much weight as mine or Admiral Anderson's."

Shepard thought about it.

"He's young, sir, he doubts himself and he's humble about this. He thinks because of his past failures he wouldn't make a good operative. I think he would make a damn fine one. Vega just needs a little more training."

"Which I'm sure when you pass your physical you will complete it."

"If I'm given the chance, I will."

"Good"

It started to rain harder.

"Come on Commander, let's get some coffee."

Liam hobbled following the admiral.

"Coffee sir?"

"We haven't had a chance to talk in a while."

Shepard gave Hackett a questionable look but followed him anyway.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Kaidan was exhausted by the end of the day.

All he wanted was to cuddle up with Liam and sleep.

Their quarters were dark when he entered them.

Kaidan quickly stripped off his utility uniform leaving him in only his boxers and a tee.

Carefully trying not to wake his sleeping partner he crawled into bed.

Settling on his back, the major sighed closing his eyes.

He loved the way Shepard smelled.

It didn't matter how many showers the commander took he could never get rid of the gunpowder smell, mixing that with sweat and something else that was purely Liam.

"Mmmm… Kaidan?"

The bed shifted two long arms snaked their way around him.

"I missed you today."

Liam's head was resting on his shoulder.

"What did you do today?"

He felt Liam's breath against his chest.

"I had coffee with Hackett and went to see Chakwas."

Liam's words were a bit slurred.

"She give you more meds?"

"Mmmmm."

Shepard started drawing circles on Kaidan's stomach.

"What are you doing?"

Little kisses on his jaw.

"I told you, I missed you. I want to show you how much."

More little kisses along his jaw.

"Liam"

Shepard's hand went lower.

"Liam" Kaidan warned.

"What?"

"Sleep."

"I don't want to."

Shepard cupped him through his boxers.

Kaidan bit his lip to fight back the moan.

"Sleep Liam," His voice was shaking.

"Your voice says no, but your cock says yes."

Kaidan closed his eyes and groaned.

"God, pain meds make you so horny."

Shepard nibbled on his ear.

"No, you make me horny."

Kaidan wrapped his arms around Liam's chest and rolled them over.

He pinned Shepard's hands over his head.

Liam bucked into him.

"Damn it, Liam" he groaned.

"You know you want it."

Kaidan leaded down leaving a small distance between their lips.

"You are going to be the death of me."

Liam gave him that sexy grin he loved so much.

"Well at least you'll go out with a bang."

Kaidan crushed their lips together.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Liam looked over the crowd; he spotted a few members of the crew.

Kaidan was sitting next to Garrus and Tali in the front row.

"Good morning. Thank you all for coming. We invited everyone but the fire marshal. It's good to be with you this morning and it's great to see what an incredible turnout there is in recognition of First Lieutenant James Vega."

The crowd clapped.

"First let me acknowledge the distinguished leaders of the Systems Alliance, civilian and military, who are here today, as well as representatives from the other services. And, of course, a special welcome to the family and friends of First Lieutenant Vega, so many of whom wear our uniform – a tradition of service that runs in his family. He is the definition of a model solider."

James looked over the heads of the people in the crowd.

"Today is a very special day as we celebrate First Lieutenant Vega's promotion to Staff Lieutenant and to the rank of the System Alliance N7 Special Forces, one of the largest and most important organizations in the System Alliance. It is my honor and privilege to have trained and worked with such a fine solider."

Shepard limped away from the podium stopping in front of Vega.

He offered his hand, Vega took it without hesitation.

"James, I thank you for taking on such a heavy responsibility at this critical time, and I wish you the very best."

"Thank you, sir."

"Lieutenant Vega raise your right hand and repeat the System Alliance creed."

Liam noticed the small shake in James' hand. The younger man hated being in front of people as much as he did.

"I am a Systems Alliance Soldier. I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the Systems Alliance, and live the Alliance Values. I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat. I will never quit. I will never leave a fallen comrade. I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself. I am an expert and I am a professional. I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the Systems Alliance in close combat. I am a guardian of freedom and the Alliance way of life. I am a Systems Alliance Soldier."

A cry of 'hooahs' from the crowd made Shepard chuckled.

Shepard was handed a black box by Anderson; he opened it and showed it to Vega.

"Welcome to N7 Special Forces Staff Lieutenant Vega."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"To James!"

They all cheered.

Garrus clapped the younger man on the back and handed him a drink.

"Thanks Scars."

Joker and Liam were sitting at the bar of the Officer's Club.

"It's nice to be able to have a little get together."

"Yup," Liam took a drink of his water.

"Haven't seen you in your dress blues in a while, Commander," Joker smirked.

"Are you hitting on me Flight Lieutenant Moreau?"

Joker grimaced. "I believe that's Major Alenko's job."

Shepard grinned as he watched Kaidan chatting with Garrus.

"He does his job well, Joker."

"Well that was more than I needed to know."

Shepard patted Joker on the back.

"Gentlemen."

"Liara."

She sat next to Joker.

"How are you feeling, Shepard?"

Liam shrugged, "Pretty good. Leg is still a bit sore, but other than that I feel great."

"Glad to hear that, Liam. When do you and Major Alenko leave?"

"Middle of next week, I was cleared for travel by Chakwas."

The pilot and doctor chatted about few things Shepard paid no mind.

Shepard watched Kaidan instead.

He watched how the light caught the major's hair.

The little flecks of sliver that shines in the light.

How Liam loved running his fingers through Kaidan's hair.

Kaidan didn't carry as many scars as the rest of the squad.

The major's battle scars were all in his hair, the little sliver at his temple.

Kaidan didn't have to take a missile to the face, like Garrus, or a bullet to the shoulder like Shepard did.

But Kaidan had his scars.

He cleared his throat and drained the rest of his water.

Shepard felt his heart race, the things that Kaidan did to him.

It didn't matter that he was doped up last night just Kaidan's scent drove him crazy.

He practically jumped Kaidan last night when he came back to their quarters.

Not that the major seemed to mind being jumped last night or this morning.

Joker pushed his shoulder.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

Shepard shook his head, "Sorry, what?"

Joker rolled his eyes, "Never mind, man."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"Gentlemen, thank you for coming today. We'll make this quick." The Asari Councilor said.

Shepard rested his hands on top of his cane.

This was his first meeting with the Council since the end of the war.

"First of all we would like thank each and every one of you for your actions during the war." The Turian Councilor crossed his arms behind his back.

"Spectre Alenko we are granting your request for leave. Spectre Shepard, from what we understand you are currently on leave from the Alliance."

Both Anderson and Hackett nodded.

"Commander you have done us a great service." The Salarian Councilor bowed at Shepard.

"Thank you Councilors." He said.

"Now Admiral Hackett you have an update for us on the Alliance?"

"Yes, we lost all the Alliance Parliament and Prime Minister was killed during the Battle of Arcturus Station. We have started to hold local elections for new members of Parliament. It could take several weeks as we still don't have a count from the colonies. The few remaining admirals have appointed a new Prime Minister for the time being."

"And who is your new Prime Minister?"

"Admiral Hackett has been appointed, Councilors." Anderson stepped forward.

"Ah, I see." The Asari Councilor nodded, "Congratulations Prime Minister Hackett."

The admiral grimaced, "It's not permanent. Anderson has been appointed Ambassador to the Council along with General Wayne Reed."

"Our first concern is rebuilding our Parliament before we select someone to sit on the Council. It may take years before are ready to join you again." Anderson folded his hands in front him.

"And we respect that Ambassador you could always rejoins us, David." Councilor Tevos remarked.

"No thank you, I plan on retiring in the next few years."

Shepard smiled.

"Very well. I believe we are done gentlemen."

The Alliance members rose from their seats.

Liam's leg was stiff he was slower to stand up.

"Commander Shepard, if we can have a word with you?"

The Council members waited till the door closed behind Kaidan before speaking.

"Commander, we would like to ask you about your plans now."

Shepard folded his hands over the top of his cane.

"I plan on retiring from the Spectres. I've finally found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be able to go home at the end of the day. I may have been raised on star ships but I want something permanent."

He looked at the three of them

"I understand, Commander. Turians value family and duty above all else. You have done your time, Shepard."

"Thank you Councilor Sparatus."

The turian nodded at him.

"We will announce your retirement in a few weeks. We wish you the best of luck Commander. May the stars be with you."

He saluted the Council and headed for the door.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Kaidan was waiting for him when walked out of the meeting.

He was leaning on the wall.

"Hey, there you are."

Shepard smiled.

"Hey."

"I wasn't sure how long they were going to keep you."

Shepard shrugged, when close enough he kissed Kaidan on the lips.

"What did they want?"

"Just wanted to see what my next move was."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"And?"

Kaidan pulled the commander into an embrace.

"I plan on retiring from the Spectres."

Kaidan pulled back to look at him.

"Really? What about the Alliance?"

Shepard placed a hand on Kaidan's face.

"I'll stay in and do the rest of my twenty years. Then after that build a house on the English Bay and drink beers on the deck with my favorite major."

Shepard's hand went down to his shoulder.

He leaded forward and kissed him again.

"I love you Kaidan."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

He hated mandatory psychiatric evaluations.

Shepard looked around the office of Doctor Jennifer Jacobs.

His good leg was bouncing up and down.

"Nervous Commander?"

"You can say that."

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing."

"I don't think it's nothing, Shepard."

"Well I don't know what to tell you then, Doc."

She rested her elbows on her knees leaning forward.

"Then why don't you tell me."

Shepard snorted, "There's nothing to tell."

"Commander, I don't believe that. You've been under a lot stress this past year."

He rolled his eyes.

"Being grounded, arrested, and the Alliance was going to execute you. You're telling me that doesn't make you angry. Because after all that they still needed your help, they need you to fix everything. That must piss you off."

He knew this was a bad idea.

"Damn right it makes me angry. After all these years of telling these people the same thing over and over…." He sighed. "No one listened. Only a few… and what did that get us? A war… a war that I don't even want to count the casualties for, it's just not the humans… every species lost something. And now that it's over and we won, they want to give a medal and call me a hero."

He pushed himself out of the chair, slowly making his way to the window.

"My pilot, Joker, lost his father to this war. His little sister, who's only 15, will never be the same. It's his job now to raise her. It was my job to protect these people and I failed at it."

"Commander…"

"I never wanted this… I never wanted to be a Spectre. I just wanted to do my time in the Alliance like my father. But that's not how the cards fall."

He pressed his hand to the window.

"I had to leave a good friend on Virmire. Another one called me a traitor on Horizon. I don't blame him I was working for the enemy."

"Do you think you're a traitor?"

"I don't know… I try not to think about it anymore."

He heard her take some notes on the data pad.

"Is there anything you regret Commander?"

"Many things"

"Like?"

"Leaving Ashley on Virmire, but, I can't regret that. If I didn't leave Ashley I wouldn't have Kaidan."

He sighed

"She was a good friend, she died a hero. Or that's what people tell me. I really don't believe in that sort of thing."

"You don't believe in heroes? People call you one…"

"I'm not a hero," he snapped at her. "I never wanted to be one. I just did my job and they gave me a medal for it."

"Your job, Commander?"

"My job is to protect people as an Alliance Officer and I failed at it."

"Your squad on Akuze?"

"Those were good young men. They didn't deserve to die like that. It was my job to protect them and I didn't."

"You blame yourself for their deaths."

He looked over his shoulder at the doctor.

"Wouldn't you?"

"Commander, what happened on Akuze wasn't your fault."

"Feels like it"

Shepard looked out the window again.

"I've lost a lot of friends over the years. Seen many of them die, been the cause of many of their deaths."

"Commander, there are always casualties in a war."

"You think I don't know that? I've been doing this a hell of a long time."

He spun away from the window.

"I've seen people die; I've held soldiers as they bleed begging for their Goddamn mother. So, don't tell me there are always casualties in war. I know that."

He left his cane by the window and limped heavily back to his chair.

Shepard didn't sit down; he placed his hands on the back of it leaning on the chair.

"So, yes Doctor Jacobs I understand that there are casualties of war. Do you know how many funerals I've gone to since this war was ended? Mordin gave up his life so the krogan could have a future. Legion did the same for the quarians, now Tali will be able to know what it's like to live on her own planet. Thane died protecting someone who couldn't protect themselves. In his last moments I didn't think of him as a hero, but as a friend."

He was never good at telling people what he was feeling.

"I know exactly what it's like to die. That last gasp of air that you can't get it because it's leaving your suit through a tiny hole in your helmet… that's what it feels like. I hate wearing a helmet now…"

He trailed off.

"I'll tell you more thing before I go Doc, I told the Council that this war was coming and I was ignored for years. And they did nothing about it. That pisses me off more than anything."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Miss pretty little doctor lady didn't have to tell him he failed his evaluation.

That much he knew already.

Shepard looked around the mess hall.

He was pleased to see that it was a mix of all the species.

A few turians were playing cards with a group of humans while a few salarians watched.

A young asari commando was chatting with a young krogan.

Shepard spotted what looked a quarian marine having a conversation with salarian.

He sighed and looked down at his coffee mug.

A few more hours and Kaidan would be off duty.

"Excuse me sir, are you Commander Shepard?"

He found a group of human girls and asari standing around his table.

Shepard nodded.

They made a noise of excitement that he had never heard before.

The girls started assault him with questions, so many he couldn't keep up.

"Ladies, ladies, the commander is on break from a meeting, one that he must return to."

His saving grace.

"Come Commander, we must return."

He was helped up by his turian rebel friend.

Once they were out of earshot Liam sighed.

"Thank you, Garrus."

"That's what I'm here for."

The exited the mess hall building.

"So what's this meeting you're taking me to?"

"Wrex said something about biotics and gunfire."

Liam nodded his head in approval.

"Sounds like my kind of meeting, Garrus."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"He's a wreck. Shepard is a wreck. I cannot in good faith clear him for any type of duty."

Doctor Jennifer Jacobs stood in front of Hackett's desk; Anderson was off to the side.

"Not even light duty?" The younger admiral asked.

"No, the man is walking ship wreck." The doctor sighed. "The Alliance see him as a symbol, a symbol of this war you have just won. For years Shepard had to hide everything in order to get the task done. Now that's over he's worried about his place in this military, with his friends, and with his family."

She looked at both of them

"He's been going nonstop since he came back from being dead. But now its six months later all of these feelings are going to catch up with him."

"What are you saying Doctor? He's going to have a breakdown?" Hackett asked

Anderson's hands started to sweat.

"Maybe, he's holding a lot in. I understand your concern for him. Shepard needs to heal mentally as much as he does physically. Give him some extended leave, somewhere that's not on a military base."

She brushed some hair from her face.

"He deserves a vacation more than anyone."

Hackett stole a glimpse at Anderson.

The younger admiral was anxious.

"Thank you Doctor. We will speak with Doctor Chakwas." Hackett turned his sights back on the woman.

"Good, I would like to see Shepard again in a few months."

She nodded at the pair and left the room.

When the door hissed shut Anderson sighed.

"You okay?"

He just shook his head.

"I don't know Steven. It's just… I don't understand. Why wouldn't he come to us?"

Hackett shrugged something he didn't go very often.

"William had a habit of holding everything in. He did that with us. He never said anything about the divorce till it was over."

Anderson sighed again.

"He's more like his father than he knows." Hackett turned his chair to look out the window.

Anderson leaned on the edge of Hackett's desk.

"Well it's a good thing Kaidan's taking him to Vancouver," he said.

Hackett tapped his Omi-tool, "Private, get ahold of Major Alenko. Tell him I need to speak with him ASAP."

"Yes sir."

0-*- 10001 -*-0


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating as gone up for Smut.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

He loved the smell of the bay in the morning.

Liam drank from his coffee mug.

He was glad Kaidan took him to Vancouver.

Being raised in space he saw very little of Earth.

He also saw very little of Vancouver when the Alliance incarcerated him here.

Liam took a deep breath and sighed.

London felt so far away.

Kaidan brought him out here over a month ago to his parents' home: A beautiful home filled with two wonderful people.

Lewis and Joyce Alenko were completely different than what he thought they were going to be.

Lewis was quiet and thoughtful almost an older version of Kaidan but with a wicked sense of humor while his wife, Joyce, was the opposite—she was outgoing and loved to laugh.

"Good morning Commander."

Lewis Alenko took a seat next to him.

"Good morning, sir." Shepard took a drink from his mug. "Mr. Alenko I know you were in the Alliance but you don't have to keep calling me Commander. Liam is fine."

Lewis gave him a smirk, "Son, stop calling me 'Mr. Alenko', that was my father. You do that and I'll call you Liam."

Shepard chuckled, "Of course Lewis."

"Good. Now it's just going to be you and me today. Kad has to head up to the base and Joyce has to head out to one of the farms, sick horse."

Shepard nodded.

"I was thinking we could do some more therapy on your leg. You've been walking around rather well without the cane. Maybe a quick walk around the grounds and dip in the pool for a bit will help."

Shepard couldn't argue with Lewis, the man somehow became Shepard's physical therapist since he arrived.

He drained the rest of his coffee and nodded at the older man.

"Lead the way, Lewis."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

After completing a few laps in the pool Shepard just drifted lazily around.

He enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his chest.

A soft mewing drew his attention to the side of the pool.

An orange tabby was sitting near the edge.

He switched to his stomach made his way to the edge.

She watched him; the purring noise grew louder as he got closer.

Liam rested his arms on the side.

"Hi sweetheart" he said softly.

She meowed at him; pawing his arm softly.

Liam chuckled.

She leaned her head down and licked the pool water off his arm.

"That can't taste good"

Another soft meow was her response.

She was a beautiful animal with her orange fur and green eyes.

The cat meowed and poked him with her pink nose.

"Sonja leave him alone." A husky voice called out to her.

Both Sonja and Liam looked over to the source of the voice.

"Kaidan"

Sonja meowed and ran over to the major.

She rubbed herself on Kaidan's leg.

Liam watched as his lover pet the animal before telling her to go to the house.

"Dad's getting ready to start dinner."

Shepard nodded and pulled himself out of the pool.

Kaidan picked a towel and tossed it to him.

Drying off his face and arms Shepard wrapped it around his waist.

"How was your day?" Kaidan asked

"Pretty good, your dad and I went for walk."

He made his way over to his lover.

"Did some more therapy on my leg, spent a half hour in the whirlpool, and then took a swim."

Kaidan wasn't surprised that his father took it on himself to help heal the great Commander Shepard.

Liam wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist.

"You're going to get me wet."

Liam smirked.

"Maybe that's the point."

Liam brushed his lips on the corner of Kaidan's mouth.

"You know my dad could be watching."

Shepard kissed under his ear.

"Do you think I care?" he whispered to Kaidan.

Liam kissed him along his jaw and pulled back as he reached his lips.

"I should go get dressed."

Liam winked at him and walked away.

"You're evil man Liam Shepard," he shouted at the commander's back.

Kaidan watched as the man threw his head back and laughed.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

There was a knock on the bathroom door, and his father calling his name.

"Dad I can't hear you over the water."

Kaidan turned the shower off.

"Kad, check on Liam. He sounds like he's having a rough night."

Kaidan hopped out of the shower and quickly threw a towel around his waist.

He nodded at his father and slowly opened their bedroom door, he closed behind him.

The last thing he wanted to do was rush to the commander's side and startle Liam, which would be the fastest way to a broken nose for him.

Shepard was laying in the middle of their bed, legs twisted in the sheets, one arm thrown over his face.

"No…" a dreadful moan came from the commander.

Kaidan made his way slowly to the bed.

"Mmmmm… no"

He touched the commander's foot.

"Liam."

"Kad…"

Kaidan made his way up the bed.

"Liam, it's okay. It's me."

"Kaidan… no…"

Shepard was dreaming about him.

"Liam, it's okay."

He crawled up the bed.

Shepard moaned again.

"Liam."

Kaidan touched his chest, he could feel Shepard's heart racing.

He heard a gasp of breath.

"Kaidan?"

Shepard had uncovered his face to get a look.

Leaning on his elbow, Kaidan reached out with his other hand and touched Shepard's face.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Stay."

"Liam, I don't have any clothes on."

A weary sigh passed Liam's lips.

"Let me get some shorts on."

Shepard nodded, Kaidan kissed his forehead.

"Be right back."

The major gave him a brief smile.

Kaidan pulled himself out of the bed and went into the hallway.

His father was waiting for him.

"He okay," Lewis asked.

A deep worry was showing in his brow.

"Yeah, he's okay. I'm gonna get dressed and lay down with him."

Lewis patted his boy on the shoulder.

"Night son," he said.

"Night Dad."

Lewis turned off the hallway light once he reached his and Joyce's room.

Kaidan entered his and Shepard's room again searching for a pair of boxers in the dark.

Pulling them on quickly and leaving the towel on the foot rail of the bed.

Shepard rolled on his side to make room for his lover; Kaidan nestled down next to him.

Liam buried his face in Kaidan's neck sighing.

"Love you," the commander mumbled.

"Love you too, Liam." He kissed the top of Shepard's head.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

He woke up alone. Liam's side of the bed was cold.

He stretched before rolling out of bed.

Pulling a tee and a pair of sweats he headed downstairs.

He couldn't find anyone in the living room, kitchen, dining room, patio, or on the deck.

Kaidan closed the back door and sighed.

"Kad." His mother waved him over.

"Where did y'all go?"

She pointed in the lounge.

Lewis was leaning against the door frame.

Kaidan looked around his father and saw Liam sitting at the piano that once belonged to his great grandmother.

"We found him sitting there when we got up over an hour ago," his father said, "He hasn't said a word."

Kaidan had never seen Liam so still. He was just sitting at the piano staring at the wall in front of him.

"Go talk to him, Kad." Joyce kissed the side of his head. "We'll start breakfast."

His parents left them in the lounge.

"Liam?"

Shepard didn't move.

"Liam, you okay?"

Kaidan took a step towards him.

"Kaidan, do you ever feel lost?" Shepard's voice was rough.

He walked up to Shepard placing his hands on the commander's shoulders.

"I used to. Then I found something that keeps me grounded."

He massaged the tension out of Shepard's shoulders and up his neck.

"What did you find, Kad?"

Kaidan kissed the top of his head.

"You."

"Do you think it's enough?"

Kaidan thought about it.

"I do. Don't you think love is enough Liam?"

Shepard shrugged, "I don't know, Kad. I don't what do with my life now. The war is over… the Alliance or the Council doesn't need me… so… who does now?"

Kaidan leaded down next to Liam's ear.

"I need you, Liam, forever and always."

He kissed Shepard's temple.

"Come on, we don't want to miss breakfast."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

"Alright Liam what do you know about dogs?" Joyce asked.

Shepard raised his eyebrow in question.

"Just only that if they're robotic I tend to shoot them."

Joyce chuckled and turned down a dirt path.

"How long have you and Lewis been married?"

"Almost thirty seven years," she said, "I remember the day Lewis and I got married."

She smiled at the memory.

"Kaidan said you were adopted when you were eleven."

Shepard looked out the window of the old style pick-up truck.

"Yes, ma'am, my father died when I was three. I was raised by some of his friends mostly on ships or space stations. This is the most I've spent on Earth since I was born."

She turned into the drive way of a large farmstead.

"I'm sorry, hon, that couldn't have been easy for you."

Shepard nodded.

Joyce threw the truck in park.

"Come on, Commander, these pups aren't going to take care of themselves."

Two large dogs greeted them when they exited the truck.

"Lady, Jake, hello you too," Joyce said.

She patted each dog on the head before they came to look over Shepard.

"Lady is the Boxer and Jake is the German shepherd."

Lady kicked his hand he held out to her.

"Hello girl."

Jake was sniffing his combat boots.

"Did he just lick dirt off my boots?"

"Ah hell, don't mind him. He has a thing for leather." Someone else had joined them at the truck.

Shepard chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Joe, how are you?"

"Doin well Doc. Who's you're friend?"

The man named Joe offered his hand.

"This is Liam. He's Kaidan's boyfriend."

Shepard barely managed to hind a groan.

"Nice you meet you young man. Come on back, the pups are this way."

Lady braked and ran off towards the barn with Jake a few steps behind her.

Joyce and Joe made small as they followed the dogs, Shepard a few steps behind them.

Little barks and yelps could be heard from the barn.

"Let me get the runt and you take him back with you," Joe said.

"I'll check on all of them before we head out." She reassured him.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

"So how are we going to feed this thing?"

Shepard looked at the small animal in his hands.

"With a bottle," Joyce smiled at him.

Shepard's eyebrow rose, "Like a baby?"

"He is a baby," she chuckled at him, "Kaidan said you had pets before."

"Yeah, fish and hamsters, the fish don't last long though."

Joyce just nodded her head.

She pointed for Liam to sit at the table with the puppy.

"Umm, Joyce I really have no idea what I'm doing here…" Joyce handed him the bottle, "The last baby I fed was Sara and I was like six and she was tiny… I don't think I'll be any good at this."

She just gave him a look – one that he was sure Kaidan saw a lot as a child.

"Shutting up now."

Sonja jumped on the table sniffing the little puppy.

She meowed at it and hurried off.

"Hello? You guys home?"

Kaidan was back.

"In the kitchen, Kad," Joyce called out to him.

Kaidan walked in wearing his utility uniform but stopped dead in tracks at the sight of Shepard holding bottle in on hand and small animal in the other.

"Mom, if you want that puppy to live to see another day I would take it away from Liam."

Shepard wasn't amused, "Oh thanks Kaidan!"

Kaidan leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"Just kidding Shepard," he smiled at the commander.

Liam rolled his eyes.

"Liam put the little guy down. You and Kaidan can start the steaks before Lewis gets home and I will feed the puppy."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

"Your mother called me your boyfriend today."

Kaidan flipped over one of the steaks reaching down to turn the flame down.

"Well aren't you?"

"There are other words for it. You can call me your partner, lover, significant other, or… um… life partner, oh god don't call me that."

"What's wrong with boyfriend?"

"We're not in High School anymore Kaidan. You don't have to call me your boyfriend."

Kaidan set down the tongs making his way over to Shepard who was leaning on the deck rail; he wrapped his arms around Liam pulling him closer.

"If you were a girl, Liam, I'd call you my girlfriend, even if we were both seventy. Deal with it."

Shepard grumbled at him but Kaidan cut him off with a kiss.

"We're almost 40.'Boyfriend' is so High School. Well you're closer to 40 than I am."

"Are you calling me old?"

"No, I'm kinda calling both of us old. You're the one with grey hair there, Major."

"You think my grey hair is sexy, Commander"

"Oh God, I do."

Shepard pulled away running his figures along Kaidan's crotch.

"But that's not the point there Kaidan, but there's one in your pants."

Kaidan groaned as Shepard walked away heading to the grill, "Why do you this to me?"

Liam snickered, "What do you mean?"

"Why do you tease me?"

Kaidan came to stand behind him wrapping his arms around his front resting his chin on Shepard's shoulder.

"If I didn't tease you, you wouldn't think I love you."

Kaidan kissed his neck.

"Bed early tonight?" Kaidan whispered in his ear.

"What do you think Major?"

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

Kaidan felt the lips on his neck.

"Mmmm, good morning, Liam."

"Morning."

The hand on his chest went lower but stopped at his boxers.

Shepard continued to kiss his neck.

"How are you enjoying your vacation so far, Liam?"

Shepard pulled his mouth away from Kaidan's neck.

"It's about to get better."

He slipped his hand inside Kaidan's boxers.

Kaidan exhaled at the connection.

"Liam...again?"

Shepard's lips went to his ear.

"You like that?"

Kaidan moaned.

He started off slow, waiting for another moan.

Kaidan didn't disappoint.

He was never a dirty talker in bed before but something about Shepard brought it out.

"Faster, Liam."

Shepard did as he was told.

Taking Kaidan's ear lobe between his teeth he started to nibble at it.

Another moan came from his lover's lips.

Pulling his lips away he attacked Kaidan's neck again.

"Suck me, Liam."

Shepard looked up at his lover.

Kaidan's eyes were closed with his mouth open with both his hands gripping the sheets.

"Please, Liam."

Sitting up, Shepard pulled his hand way from Kaidan.

Kaidan groaned at the loss.

Pushing Kaidan's boxers down his hips, Liam freed Kaidan's cock from its prison.

Shepard pulled the boxers off of his body; his hands moving to Kaidan's thighs as he placed soft kisses along them before working his way back up.

He felt Kaidan's hand grab the back of his neck.

"Liam, don't be a tease," Kaidan muttered.

His tongue flicked at the head.

The next thing Kaidan knew, there was a hot mouth around his dick.

Shepard sucked and licked the underside of the head.

Kaidan's hips lifted off the bed.

Shepard pushed him down and held him there.

Kaidan pulled on his neck again.

Shepard hissed.

"Damn it, Liam."

Shepard snickered, "What's wrong, Kaidan?"

Kaidan shook his head, "You are an evil man, John William Shepard."

His tongue went back to torturing Kaidan's cock.

Sucking and licking its length, he reached up with his hand to stroke the base where his tongue wasn't.

"So damn evil..." Kaidan's head dropped back against the pillows. "So damn evil." Kaidan moaned, "And I fucking love it."

Shepard picked up the pace; his head bobbing up and down, speeding up as Kaidan's moans grew louder.

"God, Liam… you are going to be the death of me," all the air rushed out of his lungs as he came; Shepard's lips never leaving Kaidan's cock, taking it all.

Pulling his lips from Kaidan's milked cock; he crawled back up the bed.

Still breathing hard, Kaidan looked up at his lover. "Damn you evil man."

Shepard kissed his forehead. "You love it."

He pulled himself away from his spent man.

"Hey… where the hell are you going?"

Looking over his shoulder, he replied, "Shower. We have to get ready; your parents are leaving today for the orchard."

"You are an evil man, Shepard." He repeated himself.

Just before closing the bedroom door Kaidan heard, "Yeah, but you loved every second of it."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

Kaidan loved watching Shepard it didn't matter if was on a battlefield or just simply standing in the kitchen looking for something to eat.

He had a silly little grin on his face watching Liam.

"Kad, what do you want for dinner?"

"Liam what would you say if I ask you to marry me?" Kaidan paused, "I mean we don't have to get married right now… just in the future… later… in a few years. Liam? Sorry, it's too soon to bring up… I'm an idiot."

Liam chuckled shaking his head as he pulled pulling Kaidan towards him.

He touched Kaidan's face running a finger along the scar on Kaidan's lip.

"If you ask, I would say yes," Shepard muttered against his lips.

Kaidan beamed and kissed him. Kaidan pulled away resting his forehead on Shepard's.

"I love you Liam."

Shepard wrapped him up in his strong arms pulling Kaidan closer.

"Love you too Kaidan."

Kaidan slipped an arm around Shepard's shoulders the other around his waist.

He covered Shepard's face with little kisses.

"I have an idea."

Kaidan kissed the tip of his nose.

"I feel a nightmare coming on."

"Let me teach you how to dance," he kissed Liam on the corner of his lips.

Shepard made a noise in the back of his throat.

"And waste your time?"

Kaidan smiled, "No really, let me teach you."

Liam rolled his eyes.

"Fine."

Kaidan kissed him and rushed away.

"What about dinner?"

When Kaidan didn't answer Liam rolled his eyes.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

"That was a waste of time."

Kaidan snickered on the living room floor.

"You were doing fine."

"Yeah, for less than a second," Shepard sighed. "It took longer to move the coffee table and the sofa."

"Well Shepard it seems you have two left feet."

"Thanks Kad."

"You move better on the battlefield."

Shepard sniggered, "That's it? I'm pretty sure I move well somewhere else."

Kaidan chuckled from his spot on the floor, "I never said you didn't."

Liam rolled over on his side. He ran his hand up and down Kaidan's chest.

He rested his elbow on the hardwood floor resting his chin on his hand.

"Thank you."

Kaidan looked over at him raising an eyebrow.

"For," he asked.

Shepard ran his hand over Kaidan's face just like he did in the kitchen.

"For everything, you were the reason I got up in the morning during the war. Still are."

Kaidan kissed his palm.

"You want to get married, huh?"

The major chuckled and looked away.

"I do. I mean the war is over we're both alive. We love each other." He looked back at Shepard.

Shepard smiled, "That we do."

"I know we haven't been together very long but it feels right."

Liam agreed with him.

"I mean I do want to retire from the Spectres and once my twenty years are up…"

Kaidan watched him.

Shepard shook his head, "I have no idea what I'm going to do after that and I really don't care, as long as I have you."

The major chuckled, "Careful Shepard you're going to start sounding like a sap."

"Wouldn't want that I don't think people could stand Commander Shepard sounding like a sap."

Shepard leaded down and kissed him.

"Do you want kids, Liam?"

Shepard shrugged, "Anderson said something about to me a while ago, something about being a great dad."

"I think you would make a great dad."

"What about you?"

It was Kaidan's turn to shrug, "For a long time I didn't want them, but I don't know. I think before I wasn't ready but now."

"I don't think you're ever ready to become a parent."

"I can so see you chasing a few krogan kids."

They both laughed.

"Oh yes, we can have our very own baseball team."

Kaidan whistled "That's a lot of kids Shep."

"That's what? Ten if you count an extra runner?"

"Ten krogan?"

"Oh hell no, a few turians, a drell, and maybe an asari."

"And knowing our luck the little asari will try to beat up her brothers."

Shepard laughed.

"Oh yeah, we wouldn't be able to get a break."

Kaidan shook his head laughing, "Oh man, just had a crazy thought."

"What?"

"All the kids running to the door screaming Uncle Wrex before jumping on him."

Shepard joined in the laughter.

"Oh my god, that would be pretty funny to see."

Liam laid himself on top of Kaidan resting his forehead just under Kaidan's chin.

"I love you."

"Love you too, but we have to get off the floor. My back is killing me."

"And there goes the moment."

"Shut up Liam."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

He had to get away. He couldn't lay in the bed anymore and pretend to sleep.

He was thankful he didn't wake Kaidan as he got up.

He could hear all the little whispers.

The house was quiet like the whispers.

He silently made his way out onto the deck.

The whispers called his name over and over again.

These whispers calling out to him, asking him why, blaming him, and asking for his help, but they never asked him to save them.

He braced his elbows on his knees burying his face in his hands. His whole body shook.

Friends that he had lost over the years lost to a war that he wanted nothing to do with.

Richard Jenkins the first casualty of war with countless others.

Leaving Ashley on the beautiful world of Virmire, a place that would never be the same – not after he dropped a nuke on it.

Losing Thane on the Citadel at the hands of Kai Leng was a blow he wasn't ready to take. Standing there holding Kolyat as the young man broke down over his father's death was a memory he never would forget.

Legion asking over and over again if he had a soul, a question in the end he couldn't answer but Tali could.

Mordin sacrificing himself at the top of the Shroud Tower to release the cure to save the krogan was heartbreaking.

Sobs racked his body the cool air of the bay not helping.

Strong arms incased him in an embrace. It startled him causing him to jump.

"It's okay, Liam. It's me," soft whispers in his ear, whispers unlike the harsh ones of his dreams.

Shepard repositioned himself letting his lover draw him closer.

The sobs continued to rock his body as he buried his face in his lover's neck.

"It's okay, Liam."

Shepard wrapped his arms around the major.

"Kaidan," he murmured.

Kaidan rested a hand on the back of Shepard's neck with the other rubbing his back.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there on the deck of his parent's home but in the long run it didn't matter.

Kaidan kissed Liam's temple, "Babe, the sun's coming up."

"God, I hate when you call me that," Kaidan felt Liam chuckle against him.

"Yeah, well you better get over it."

Liam shifted himself again, this time pressing his back against Kaidan's chest.

Kaidan rested his chin on top of his head and together they watched the start of a new day.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

Kaidan sighed, he didn't mind days like this.

A lazy day on the sofa Shepard's head was in his lap.

The commander just watched the movie on the T.V. never saying a word.

He became quiet once Kaidan got him in the house from the deck.

Kaidan smiled as he felt Liam's hand trace an unknown pattern on his leg.

"I miss them, Kaidan," he said quietly.

"Miss who?"

"Legion, Thane, Mordin, Ashley… my father." Shepard sighed, "We could have… I could have…"

"Liam their deaths are not your fault. They never were. They gave their lives so that other could live."

Kaidan ran a hand over Shepard's short hair.

"Liam, I may not have known your father but I know he loved you very much. Sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. The others did as well."

"I hated him you know. When I was a teenager, I hated him for leaving me. I never got to say goodbye. I was so angry at him for years because of that."

"It happens."

Shepard sat up.

"It always felt like no one wanted me. My mother never did. Dad died, Anderson couldn't adopt me because of his first wife. She hated me. I wanted to be like my father so much that was the reason why I joined the Alliance."

Liam ran a calloused hand over his hair.

"I don't have anything of his anymore. All I have is his face and his name. Everything else I had went down with the first Normandy. I don't even have a picture of him anymore."

Kaidan rubbed his back.

"I don't remember what his voice sounds like anymore Kaidan. People have been telling me stories about him for years. I don't remember anything about him."

Kaidan didn't know what to say. He couldn't relate his own father was a call away.

"I sometimes feel like he was never real to begin with."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

Kaidan couldn't snap Shepard out of the mood he was in. The incident on the deck and the talk in the living room was over a month ago.

Shepard was barely sleeping and when he finally managed to get some sleep he was haunted by nightmares.

Liam was quiet, Shepard was never quiet.

When his parents came back from the orchard Kaidan shared his feelings with them.

His mother kissed his forehead and said nothing.

Lewis patted him on the back and whispered a few words in his ear.

The small runt they had left with came back as strong as ever. The puppy was just getting ready to turn three months old.

For the first time in over a month a smile graced Shepard's lips once he saw the puppy.

Kaidan held his breath and waited.

Shepard sat on the floor and little black and tan mutt raced into his lap.

He rubbed the half Boxer and Shepherd's ears.

"Did they give you a name yet?" he asked the pup.

The puppy braked and licked Shepard's stubbled covered chin.

"I take that as a no."

The puppy barked again.

The three Alenkos watched the pair on the floor.

"You can name him if you want, hon," Joyce said.

Shepard gave them a half smile, "Yeah?" he asked.

"Sure hon."

Liam looked down at the big brown eyes of the mutt.

"Gunny," he said. "Gunny, we'll name him Gunny."

The puppy barked approvingly at his new name.

"I'll call Joe and tell him we're keeping the runt."

Kaidan smiled as he watched Shepard and the puppy named Gunny.

That night Gunny slept in their room on the bed with them.

It was the first time in over a month that Shepard was able to sleep the whole night peacefully.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

They came in from the deck, Shepard in a pair of swim trunks and flip flops.

Gunny, now four months old, followed right behind his favorite person.

"Hey Kaidan what do you want to eat?"

Kaidan closed the door behind him.

Shepard moved the kitchen searching for food.

Gunny moved to his doggie bed watching the commander.

"We can always order something. We really need to go grocery shopping."

Liam sighed at the bare cupboards.

"Marry me, Liam."

Shepard stopped dead in his tracks.

"Shit… Liam… I don't know why I said that…"

Kaidan dropped his face in his hands.

"We agreed to wait… you're on leave… once we get back to London… we'll barely see each other… it wasn't a good time to ask."

"Please say something," He said quietly.

Kaidan couldn't bring himself to look at the commander.

"Yes."

Kaidan's head flew up in question.

"…What…?"

"I said yes," Liam said, "I will marry you Kaidan."

"Really? You serious?"

Liam rolled his eyes, "No, you bonehead, I was kidding. Of course I'm serious."

Kaidan was sure his jaw hit the ground.

"But we agreed to wait."

Liam rolled his eyes again, "I'm not saying we go right now."

He made his way to Kaidan.

"Kaidan I want to marry you. So don't look so shocked that I said yes."

He kissed Kaidan; it was supposed to be a simple kiss but quickly turned passionate.

Liam buried a hand in Kaidan's thick hair his other holding the older man tightly against him.

Kaidan grabbed the back of his neck, Kaidan moaned as Shepard grabbed his ass.

"Now boys that's what you have a room for."

They broke apart as if they were on fire.

Lewis Alenko chuckled at the pair, "Making out like a bunch of teenagers in the kitchen."

"They do that all the time, Lewis." A deep voice said.

Shepard froze with shock.

"Umm…"

The admiral chuckled. Seeing Shepard at a loss of words was something very few people ever got to see.

Kaidan was turning an odd shade of pink as his cheeks burned.

"Admiral sir… umm…" Kaidan shut his mouth.

Shepard wondered how much they heard.

"Umm…"

"Is that all you're going to say Liam?"

Liam opened his mouth quickly shutting it again.

"Pops… uh, I... Uh… hi?"

Anderson shook his head he was trying not to laugh.

"Oh get over it Liam, this isn't the first time I've caught you making out somewhere."

Lewis laughed while making coffee, "You, too, huh? I caught them making out in the barn once."

Now Shepard's cheeks turned red.

The two older men laughed.

Shepard turned his head to Kaidan and mouthed "We're screwed."

Kaidan had to agree.

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**

Anderson took him out on the deck saying something about needing to talk.

"You okay?" he asked.

Anderson nodded, "Yeah fine, wanted to check up on you, Liam."

"Could have done that through email, Dad," Shepard sat down in the one of the chairs. "What's going on?"

Anderson lowered himself into the chair next to the younger man.

"Nothing really," Anderson looked over the bay, "It is beautiful here."

Shepard agreed.

"Kahlee asked me to marry her."

Shepard broke into a smile.

"Yeah? Congratulations."

Anderson smiled and nodded. Anderson patted him on the leg.

"It's odd you know? I never thought I would live through the war, let alone get married again. But once she asked me I couldn't say no."

"Wait… she asked you?"

Anderson gave him a look.

"Liam, it's the 22nd century. I think women can ask men to marry them."

Liam chuckled. "When are you guys thinking of tying the knot?"

"Some time after the one year anniversary."

"In three months? Can you guys plan a wedding that fast?"

"Never underestimate Kahlee," Anderson chuckled. "There's also something I want to ask you."

Liam rolled his head to the side to look over at his adopted father.

"I want you to be my best man, Liam."

Shepard was shocked, "What about Hackett?"

"Steven is going to marry us. I want my son to be by my side."

"I'd be honored, Dad."

"You have to wear your dress blues."

"Damn it."

**0-*- 10001 -*-0**


	3. Chapter 3

l0-*- 10001 -*-0

'After' – By Acethebatdog2039

Part 3

Kaidan Alenko/John William 'Liam' Shepard Slash

Mass Effect Fanfic WIP

Warning(s): Spoilers for ME3

Rating: M

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"Well our flight has been cancelled," Kaidan dropped on the bed next to Shepard. "Due to inclement weather."

Gunny was laying between the commander's legs his head resting on his thigh sighing softly.

"Oh well," Shepard scratched Gunny's snout. "When does the next one leave?"

"Tomorrow, around noon, they have a kennel for Gunny."

"He's coming with us?"

Kaidan chuckled, "He's yours Liam. Mom gave him to you. We'll have to get him a dog tag."

"Yeah? What's it going to say? 'Hi my name is Gunny and my daddy is Commander Shepard?'"

"That works."

"Shut up Kaidan." Liam kissed his temple.

"That dog loves you."

Liam rolled his eyes, "Oh yeah, I so can't tell."

Kaidan laced their fingers together.

Gunny nestled down deeper in his spot.

"Ow! Hey Gunny watch that elbow there pup."

Kaidan chuckled again, "What did he do?"

"He elbowed me in the balls."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Gunny whined again in his new kennel. Shepard was kneeling on one knee in front of him.

"Gunny, it's okay big guy."

The puppy gave a small howl followed by whimpers.

"It's okay buddy." Shepard sighed.

"He's not digging his new kennel, is he?" Kaidan asked.

"Guess not," Shepard slipped a bone in the kennel. "We'll see you in a bit Gun. Be a good boy."

The puppy howled again.

"He'll be okay Liam, I'm sure he'll fall asleep one we take off." Anderson patted Shepard on the shoulder.

Gunny started to paw at the bottom of the kennel as Shepard stood up.

"Be a good boy Gunny," Shepard patted the top of kennel.

High pitched barks followed them as they walked away.

Rounding the corner a howl could still be heard as they checked in with an Alliance officer.

"Wow, he's got a set of lungs on him. Reminds me of you," Anderson smirked elbowing Shepard.

"Oh, very funny."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

Liam sighed as he read another page.

"You alright?"

Shepard still hated the Alliance transportation system, one of the many reasons why he loved being in command of his own ship.

"Yeah, just bored."

Kaidan looked pasted Shepard across the aisle at Anderson. "Well the admiral's asleep."

Shepard chuckled at his adopted father. Arms across his chest with his head back.

"Just wait till he starts snoring."

Kaidan shook his head, "If his snoring is anything like yours…"

"Oh shut up!" Shepard huffed, "I don't snore."

"Oh yes you do." Kaidan poked him in the side. "You snore when you lay on your back."

"No, I don't!"

"Yes you do!

Shepard rolled his eyes. "Yeah sure whatever," he grumbled.

Kaidan pressed a kiss under his ear. "I still love you, even if you snore."

"I don't snore!"

Anderson grunted, "You snore Liam, get over it."

"Thanks for the help old man…" Liam rolled his eyes again. "He fell back asleep."

Kaidan laughed.

"Shut up, it's not funny."

Kaidan just continued to laugh at Shepard.

Shepard grabbed his chin pressing their lips together cutting Kaidan's laughter off.

They both pulled away breathless.

"You still snore."

Kaidan kissed Shepard's forehead.

"Excuse me Major, Commander."

A young Sergeant stood at attention.

"At ease Sergeant, what can we do for you?"

"Well sir, your dog, Gunny? He hasn't stopped howling."

Shepard sat up in his seat.

"He okay?"

"Other than driving us crazy, he's fine."

Kaidan chuckled softly.

"I talked to my CO and she said it was fine if we let him come sit with you, if that's alright with you."

Shepard shrugged, "Yeah, it's fine."

The Sergeant looked relieved, "Thank you, sir."

She snapped to attention and rushed off.

"Well looks like Gunny is a daddy's boy."

"You're enjoying this aren't you Major?"

"You could say that Commander."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

The first week back in London it rained the whole time. Liam also saw very little of Kaidan and Anderson during the week.

Both the major and the admiral were busy in Alliance meetings while Shepard was helping with refugees.

Gunny was proving to be a great help with the kids. He drew the children out of their shells and made them laugh.

A little boy, who lived in the refugee camp with his family, he was no more than two always managed to find them. The toddler would tug on Gunny's tail calling him 'Gun Gun' always made Shepard smile.

The toddler would cry at the end of day when Shepard and Gunny would head home, but a quick hug from Shepard or a big kiss from Gunny always put the smile back on the boy's face.

But today as they left the camp little Nathaniel was waving a hand in the air while the other was holding his brand new model of the Normandy.

"Bye bye Shep! Bye Gun Gun!"

"Bye Nate! Be good!" Shepard waved to the little boy standing with his mother. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Gunny barked and ran around Shepard's legs.

"Alright mutt let's go see if we can find Kaidan and grab some food."

Gunny gave him a happy bark and ran forward almost bouncing up and down. Gunny sat by the door of their quarters waiting for Shepard to reach him. Shepard unlocked the door finding their quarters dark.

"Kaidan?" He called out.

Gunny yawned going straight for his doggie bed.

"Kaidan!"

He started to back of the nice size apartment pulling his boots off as he went.

"Kad, you home?"

Shepard walked pasted the dining room table.

"Ow, damn it." He just stubbed his toe on something heavy.

"Geez, Kaidan, leaving your steel toed boots everywhere now?"

He actually was starting to get a bit worried. Shepard opened the door to their room.

"Kad, you in here," He whispered.

There was no movement on the bed.

"Bathroom…"

He found Kaidan lying on the floor.

"Shit Kaidan. Come on, let's get you to bed." He tried not to raise his voice but he still made Kaidan flinch. "Damn, sorry, babe."

Carefully Shepard lifted Kaidan off the floor.

"Just don't puke on me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Kaidan sighed. "So much for dinner with Garrus tonight."

"We'll go tomorrow."

Kaidan groaned as he rested his head on the pillow. Shepard covered him with the blanket kissing his forehead.

"Where you going?"

"Call Garrus."

"Stay, call him later."

Shepard pulled his shirt over his head tossing it into the bathroom.

He climbed under the blanket joining Kaidan. The major rested his head on the commander's chest right above his heart. The steady rhythm helped with the pounding in his head.

Strong arms held him there Shepard pressed a kiss into his hair.

"Sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"I can't believe we're having dinner with Garrus' father."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "It'll be fine Liam. Garrus will be there."

"The man hates Spectres, Kaidan. We, two Spectres, are going to be having dinner with him."

"Get over it Liam. You never know he may like you."

Shepard tugged on his button down shirt, "Wonderful."

"He may like you so much he could try to set you up with Garrus' sister."

"That's not funny! Why would you joke about that?"

Kaidan laughed, "Oh, come on. I was kidding. Besides, she would have to go through me."

Shepard threw his around his shoulders, "I'll sick my biotic boyfriend on her."

"Boyfriend? I thought you were the one that hated that term."

"Yeah, when you're talking about me, it still sounds so high school."

Kaidan warped his arm around Shepard's waist.

"When did I go back to being a boyfriend?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. My biotic fiancé, god that sounds hot. I like it."

Kaidan kissed his cheek before removing his arm.

"I should really get you a ring."

Kaidan ran his finger over the empty space on Shepard's left ring finger.

"Like an engagement ring?"

"Yeah, unless you want to wait to tell everyone."

Shepard laced their hands together.

"Kaidan, if you want I would climb on the tallest building and tell everyone."

"Sounding like a sap again."

"Shut up biotic fiancé."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"Shepard! Kaidan!" Garrus shook both their hands letting them into the apartment.

They both said hello stepping inside.

"Smells good Garrus."

Shepard clapped him on the shoulder.

"That's Solana's cooking for you. Dad is sitting in the living room. I'll be there in a second."

He pointed down the hall for them.

Kaidan shrugged leading the way to the living room.

"Ah, you made it. Welcome gentlemen."

The older turian stood up, he was barely taller than Kaidan.

"Major Alenko, Commander Shepard."

"Sir, it's nice to finally meet you." Kaidan shuck his hand out.

"Please, Major, It's Alexio. Garrus has told me much about you both."

The two shook hands, "Oh sir, it's Kaidan."

The turian chuckled, "Of course."

Shepard pulled his leather N7 jacket placing it on the back of the one the chairs.

"Detective, Liam Shepard."

Liam held his hand out to the man.

"Please Commander, everyone knows who you are. It's nice to finally meet the man who kicked my boy in line."

"Dad!"

Alexio chuckled, "Oh please Garrus. You know he did."

The older Vakarian clapped Shepard on the back.

"Maybe a little…" Garrus muttered.

"Dinner is ready." Solana called from the kitchen.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"Ah, Solana where did you learn to cook steak like that?" Kaidan sat back in his chair.

The youngest Vakarian clan chuckled. "Oh, I dated a human for a while." She said. "He enjoyed the human meat and potato diet."

Shepard chuckled, "Kaidan is that kind of man." Liam winked at his fiancé. Kaidan gave him a look.

"I liked him Solana, what happened to him?" Garrus asked.

She took a drink before answering.

"His mother didn't approve of him being with a turian."

Alexio rolled his eyes, "A lot of humans are so focused on the Relay 314 Incident. They can't see the bigger… what do you call it? Ah, yes, the bigger picture."

"Dad?"

"Oh please Garrus, just because I severed in the war doesn't mean I hate all humans. I was doing my job, like I'm sure Kaidan's and Liam's fathers were doing."

Kaidan scratched the back of his head. "Well, sir, my father didn't sever in the First Contact War. He only did two years in the Alliance. He left just before the war started.

"Ah, well he was one of the lucky ones then, Liam what of your father?"

Shepard looked down at the table, "My father died at the Occupation of Shanxi."

Alexio watched the young commander. "Liam is short for something yes?"

Shepard looked up at his best friend's father.

"Yes, sir, it's short for William. I'm named after my dad. He never liked the name John so he went by his middle name." Shepard looked away and gave a slight grin. "He said John was too ordinary for the Shepard boys. We needed to stand out. So he went by his middle name and he always called me Liam."

Alexio nodded, "I can understand that. My father went by his middle name as well. He said he always hated his first name."

They all chuckled. Alexio watched the first human Spectre.

"Solana dear, why don't you and your brother start cleaning up the kitchen, I will help you once I return from my walk." He stood up from the table.

"I'll help you," Kaidan offered the siblings.

"Commander, why don't you join me? You know this city better than I do. Wouldn't want an old turian to get lost, now would you?"

Shepard handed his plate to Kaidan.

"Oh, I'm sure you can handle yourself Detective Vakarian. If Garrus is anything like you, it seems that combat skills run in the family."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"It does rain a lot here doesn't it?"

Liam chuckled, "Yeah it does." He stepped around a puddle.

"What do you remember of your father?"

Liam shrugged in his leather coat. "Not much to tell you the truth. He called me 'boyo'… it's a variation on the word boy. A lot of Irish and Welsh people use it. He enjoyed boxing… I must have gotten his love of model ships because I collect them myself."

"The things child pick up from their parents."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You said he served at the Occupation of Shanxi?" Alexio sat down on a park bench in front of the river Thames. "That he didn't make it back."

"Yeah, he died trying to give time to then 2nd Lieutenant Anderson and 1st Lieutenant Steven Hackett. Hackett was wounded. Dad gave up his life so Anderson could get Hackett back to base." Shepard overlooked the river standing at one of the railing in front of the bench. "He was overrun by a squad of turians."

"Who told you that?"

Liam looked over his shoulder, "Anderson. He adopted me when I was eleven."

"And you believe him?"

"Why would he lie? He was there… well for part of it." Shepard turned around putting the small of his back against the railing.

"Did you ever look for yourself?"

He just shook his head, "I believed him. I had no reason to look it up."

"In turian culture children do not question their parents, but from what I understand of human culture, you question your parents. You never thought to question Admiral Anderson about your father's death."

Liam scratched his eyebrow in thought. "I guess I never asked because it was painful for him."

"What of you? He was your father."

"He was their commanding officer…"

"But he was your father first."

Liam swallowed, "What are you getting at Detective Vakarian?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

Alexio leaned forward resting his hands on his knees. "What if I told you I know what happened to your father?"

Liam's hands dropped to his side. "What do you mean?"

"Shepard, your father was overrun by a squad of turians. He was taken to Nanus, one of Palaven's moons. Shepard your father was a prisoner of war."

He felt his hear race. "He what," he asked.

"Your father was a prisoner of war," Alexio repeated softly.

"How do you know this?"

Alexio sighed and looked down, very gently he answered, "I was one of his prison guards."

A reason he would never understand he felt hope, "If he was taken that means he could still be alive. Even with all this…" he waved his arm around the somewhat rebuilt city. "My father could still be alive…"

Shaking his head slowly Alexio sighed, "No son, your father died at that camp."

His heart dropped like a stone.

"He's buried there as well. I'm sure you wish to bring him home. I can talk to the Primarch Victus, for all that you've done for the Hierarchy we can do this one thing for you."

He dropped to the ground defeated.

"I know it's hard to hear after all these years of being told what was true. I talked to your father, he was a good man. A decent man, a man I would have been proud to call my friend."

Shepard looked up. "Can I ask you something?"

The detective nodded.

"Why did you ask about my father at dinner?"

"I was hoping the name was a coincidence. But it seems the spirits gave me this chance to tell you this the day you and Garrus met."

"How did he die?" Shepard almost didn't want to know.

Alexio shifted on the bench. "A woman, I sadly don't recall her name, a wounded marine needed medical care badly. Your father shouted at a guard for aid. The guard did nothing. The next night William helped the woman escape. They got a single out for a shuttle pick up. He just needed to get her way from the camp. I was off duty, when the shot rang out. He saved her life but giving up his. They shot him in the back." The older turian sighed. "I knew then after the war I needed to find another occupation. As much I am willing to give my life up for the Hierarchy… I can't shoot a man in the back… not a father, not any man, no matter the race."

"Did she make it?"

"She did."

0-*- 10001 -*-0

"Daddy!" the little boy ran down the hallway. "Daddy, a new ship is here."

The little boy wrapped his arms around his father's legs.

"Is that so boyo? Let's go take a look."

The man lifted his son on to his shoulders.

"Daddy how big do you think the ship is?"

"Huge Liam, it has to fit all the soldiers."

The little boy laughed, "Like super huge Daddy?"

Liam could feel his father's laughter, "Yes boyo, its super huge."

The little boy drummed his hands against his father's head. "Walk faster Daddy."

"Tá foighne," he spoke softly to his child. [Have patience]

"Athair" the little boy whined. [Father]

"Liam that is enough," William slowed his pace down. He took his son off his shoulders placing him on the ground.

"Yes Daddy."

"Good boy, now let's not be late."

The pair traveled down the hallway, the younger Shepard keeping a firm hold on his father's hand the whole time. It wouldn't take much to lose track of the two and half year old in the crowd. William looked down at his son as they passed another set of windows the little boy's gaze on the stars. The older Shepard chuckled. He knew in his heart that his son would travel the stars under the Alliance colors. Just like his father and grandfather before him, a proud Shepard tradition that goes back all the way to the forming of the System Alliance.

They made it as the ship docked Liam all but jumping up and down watching in wonder. William waited for his new lieutenants arrive. A fresh N7 and a newly promoted first lieutenant, William knew how to handle fresh officers. Make their lives a living hell before they break. His old DI would be proud. It was his job to give them the training they would need to make it as officers. Why this new first lieutenant didn't get the same training as some second he would never know. The kid must be something if he skipped that.

"Here they come boyo." Liam rushed to his father's side from the window he was standing at. William ruffed his hair. Liam playfully batted his hand away. William whistled and waved them over.

They dropped their bags and snapped to attention. They both waited for a salute.

"Gentlemen, welcome," He gave them a short salute, "At ease boys. I'm Staff Commander J. William Shepard, your new training officer." William put his hands on his son's shoulders. "This is my son, Liam. Names, give me a sit rep."

"Second Lieutenant David E. Anderson." The young man with the new N7 armor spoke up first.

Ah, so Anderson was his N7, he heard some good things about this young man from a few friends.

"First Lieutenant Steven Hackett. Our orders are to report to you, sir."

"Well that you did. Sadly I have more business with the Admiral before we leave dock. I will meet you both at your quarters. My son Liam will show you the way. You should walk fast; he's quick on his feet."

"Sir," Hackett inquired.

"Oh, don't let him fool you. He knows the ship better than anyone. Welcome again gentlemen." William patted his son on the head before leaving.

Liam looked up at the newest members of the crew.

"Hi!" He gave them a small wave before racing down the hall.

"Wow, the commander wasn't kidding!" Anderson grabbed his bag chasing after the boy, Hackett right behind him.

0-*- 10001 -*-0

He started to feel the cold through his jeans.

"I am sorry, Commander." Alexio Vakarian placed his hands in his lap. "Your father was a wonderful man."

"How do you know?" He didn't mean for it to sound so… he really had no idea anymore.

"I was more than his guard. I was his friend."

"Then why didn't you get him out of there?" His tone was accusing. "You could have saved him."

"No, son that would have gotten us shot, William and I both knew that."

"Much good it did," Liam muttered. "He still took one in the back."

"Yes he did. He saved that woman. He did his duty has a solider."

"But he failed at his duty as a father."

"You're angry, that's understandable. But before you pass your judgment on your father so quickly you should listen to a few things. He left me his Omni-tool for you. I believe in hopes that someday I would be able to find you." A dry chuckle passed his lips. "And thanks to my son I'm able to do so." Alexio rose from his seat patted the commander on the shoulder. "Commander, listen to the messages he left for you. Then you can pass your judgment."

The turian pressed the small outdated model of an Omni-tool into Liam's hand. He left the commander alone walking back towards the apartment he shared with his son and daughter.

He sat there examining this outdated piece of equipment, this piece of equipment that use to belong to his father. Sighing, Liam turned on the interface. He watched it slowly boot up taking much longer than he was used to.

'Welcome back, William.' The VI said.

Liam swallowed hard. He searched through the trying to find anything of his father. A file caught his eye, an unnamed video file.

'Daddy!'

A small face appeared on the screen.

'Daddy, guess what?'

'What boyo?' A deep rich voice joined the child's.

'We learned about animals today!'

A deep chuckle, 'Really? What kind?'

'Fish, fish are boring.'

Another deep chuckle, 'They can be yes.'

Liam sighed, that was his father. That deep rich voice rang in his ears. The voice he hadn't heard in twenty nine years.

Going through more files and folders, all he wanted was a photo of his father. Something he hasn't had since the first Normandy went down.

'Password?' The VI asked.

"Shit," Liam muttered, "Umm, Shepard?"

'Denied.'

"William."

'Denied.'

"John."

'Denied.'

"John William Shepard."

'Denied.'

"Damn it. Liam."

'Denied.'

He sat back against the rail. "Hannah."

'Denied.'

"That was stupid. Why would it be her? Emma."

'Denied.'

"So not Grandma. Tony."

'Denied.'

"Wow Dad, no love for the grandparents," He muttered. Liam drummed his hand on his knee. "Hmmm, well… hell, I have no idea."

He thought of the conversation he had with Alexio.

"Nanus."

'Denied.'

"Damn it!"

Liam kicked at a rock on the ground with the heel of his bad leg. He looked at the bottom of the screen.

'Two attempts remaining.'

"Damn, Alexio."

'Denied. One attempt remaining.'

"Well here we go. Alexio Vakarian."

'Granted.'

"Oh thank god."

'Playing audio file one.'

'Alright, Liam, like I always do I'm making you a sound file before I leave for a drop. I love you boyo. Be good, I'll be back before you know it. You in bed? You better be. Now you be good for Private Penny. Alright boyo, let me sing you that song and you go to bed. Ya hear? Bed, not sit up and play.'

Shepard chuckled.

William cleared his throat.

'Sleep, my babe, lie still and slumber, all through the night. Guardian angels God will lend thee, all through the night. Soft and drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping, Mother dear her watch is keeping, all through the night. God is here, you'll not be lonely, all through the night 'tis not I who guards thee only, all through the night. Night's dark shades will soon be over, still my watchful care shall hover, God with me His watch is keeping, all through the night.'

'Goodnight boyo, I love you.'

'End of audio file one. Playing audio file two.'

He could hear at first what was being said. Trying to turn up the volume the file started to break up.

'May love and laughter light your days, and warm your heart and home.'

'Sir,' another voice joined his father's. It was Anderson.

'Go Lieutenant!' William grumbled, 'Take Hackett and go! You can't carry us both David. Go, that's an order!'

'Sir! What about Liam?' Gunfire drowned out Anderson's words.

'Take care of him David.' He yelled loud enough for the younger man. 'May good and faithful friends be yours, wherever you may roam.' He muttered to himself.

'I will, sir!'

'Thank you Dave.' William sighed, 'May peace and plenty bless your world with joy that long endures.'

For several seconds just the sound of gunfire and William's panting.

'May all life's passing seasons bring the best to you and yours! Boyo, Daidí breá leat. Never forget that Liam.' [Daddy loves you]

'End of audio file two. Playing audio file three.'

'Liam… boyo… you know how much I love you, yes? You're the reason I get up every morning. The reason I put on my uniform. The reason for me to keep fighting in this damn camp that maybe someday I'll be able to hold you again. Now be strong my little solider boy. My Liam, if worse comes to past I hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Brave little solider boy hold your head up high. No matter what anyone tells you... I fight for you… I love you Liam.'

'William, please you must hurry.'

'Okay, thanks for this Alexio. Goodbye Liam. Make sure no one sees you okay? If anything one of us should make it back to our boys.'

'Do not speak that way.'

'Alexio, if they find your helping us escape the Hierarchy will kill you.'

'I know, but that woman needs help.'

'Thank you again for this my friend. I'll never forget you. What did you say your son's name was?'

'Garrus.'

'Liam, that's my boy. May God bless Garrus.'

'And the spirits watch over Liam.'

'End of audio file three.'

0-*- 10001 -*-0

His whole body was cold his joints, muscles, just everything. He couldn't believe it. After all these years he was lied to. He never questioned or thought that Anderson or Hackett would lie to him.

Liam pushed himself off the ground dusting himself off.

Navigating through the London streets he made his way to Anderson and Sanders' apartment. He tried to calm his racing heart. But it wouldn't stop.

Knocking on the door he paced waiting for someone to answer.

Kahlee opened the door finding him rubbing the back of his head.

"Shepard? You need something?"

"Is he here?" Liam questioned.

"Yeah, he's in the back. Is there a problem?"

"You could say that," He muttered. Clearing his throat, "I need to talk to him."

She stepped aside letting him in, "Sure, I'll go get him."

He walked in rubbing his hands on his thighs.

"Do you want anything to drink, Shepard?"

"No, I'm good Kahlee. Thanks."

She closed the door heading out back, "David will be happy to see you. Take a seat."

He didn't, he couldn't sit, hands in his leather coat pockets, he waited.

Liam could hear hushed voices coming from the back the closing of doors and footsteps.

"Liam..." Anderson paused in the door way. "I didn't think I would see you today. Please, sit down," He pointed to one of the chairs in the living room.

"Anderson. I rather stand thanks." Liam shook his head.

"Alright," He caught off guard by the use of his name. "Is something wrong? You seem agitated." Anderson sat down on the arm of the chair.

"Oh, you could say that."

"Tell me what's on your mind." He rested his hands on his thigh watching the younger man.

"Oh a few things, like how my father ended up at a turian POW camp 29 years ago."

"Who told you that?"

"Believe it or not, Garrus' father, turns out he was a guard at the camp."

Anderson watched as Shepard started to pace in the living room.

"I didn't know until after the war had ended. It wasn't until then that I got the report and by then...I don't know." Anderson's shoulders slumped.

"So, what you and Hackett just lied to me for 20 something years?" Liam stopped in front of him. The younger man's face was flushed.

"You were a teenager when we found out. You...you already thought he was dead. I didn't think it would matter. I was wrong, I'm sorry."

Liam shook his head again. "Yeah, you were wrong. Do you know how much I hated him for leaving me? Just like everyone else he just left."

Anderson reached out to him, Liam put distance between them.

"I know." He sighed. "I wish I could go back and tell you the truth but I can't, I'm sorry, Liam." He sighed. "He didn't leave you. He was doing his duty to protect his people and you! He was a hero!" He let his temper get the better of him, he very rarely shouted at anyone, especially Liam.

"I don't fucking care if he was a hero or not." Shepard crossed his arms over his chest. "Excuse me for being selfish for one minute in my damn life. I just wanted the truth out of you and you lied to me. To me... out of everyone in the damn world you lied to me."

The flush started to work its way down Shepard's neck.

"I didn't lie to you, damn it! At the time I thought...no...I KNEW that to be the truth!" Anderson pushed himself of the chair arm.

"And you still told me nothing."

"Told you nothing? You were a teenager. You were having a hard enough time as it was. What was going to tell you?" He rubbed his forehead. "That was not my fault, Liam. What's done is done. What more do you want from me?"

"I just wanted the truth, David," Shepard very rarely called him David.

"What was I supposed to do? You were angry! I was afraid if I told you the truth it would just make things worse!"

"Yeah, but instead of telling me yourself... I had to hear it from a man I don't even know."

Shepard pressed his back against the wall looking across the room ignoring Anderson.

"I never had a reason to question you. But, now I don't know anymore... I don't know what to believe anymore David. If you lied about this...what else?" He sank to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest.

"What else? What are you implying Liam?"

"Goddamn it... I don't know anymore. It's just with this damn war over... I don't know what to do with myself. No one needs me anymore." Shepard lowered his head, resting his forehead on the top of his knees. "The war is over...we won... what do you with the 'savior of the galaxy'?"

"I know Liam. War is hell. A lot of people say that but few of us actually mean it." Anderson crossed the room. He sat on the floor next to Shepard, making sure their shoulders were touching. "Not everyone can go back to how they used to be. It's an adjustment." He said softly.

"Yeah, well I died before... so here's to hoping it somewhat gets better," a dry chuckle escaped Liam's throat.

Anderson threw an arm around Shepard's shoulders pulling the younger man closer to him. Shepard rested his head on his shoulder. Anderson rested his forehead on the top of Shepard's head.

"From one war vet to another. It never gets better. You learn to cope...but it's never okay. You learn to relive your life but can't fully live. A mask becomes part of which you are...a mask you never asked for nor ever wanted. However, you can be happy. Really, truly happy...but that takes time and help. Kaidan will help. He will be your rock." He whispered.

"I miss him."

"I know, I miss him too. Your father would have been so proud of you, just like I am."

A sob racked Shepard.

"Oh Liam." Anderson looked up. Kahlee came back in the living room. She must have heard the yelling.

She joined them on the floor. Anderson wrapped his other arm around her pulling her closer. She rubbed Shepard's arm. Anderson kissed the side of her head.

Anderson finally had everything he wanted, right here in his arms and he was going to fight like hell to keep it together.

0-*- 10001 -*-0


End file.
